Debts

Let me explain...

Right this moment, my life is in quite a mess. Some people would even say that I am in “hell”.

I have little money and plenty of debts - the result of both unprudent spending and three failed businesses in the past 12 years.

I have separated from my wife who remains wonderfully loving, and I have a girlfriend whose feelings towards me I am unsure about.

Sure, I know of people - lots more people - with problems far bigger than mine. Still, I considered my situation desperate enough for me to ask my friends for help.

Yes, they have helped. They loaned me money, they expressed concern, they offered encouragement and advice.

One of them offered me a “5-point plan” to get out of my present financial troubles. Point #1: “Drop your girlfriend”.

No need for me to go into details of points #2 to #5. He said he hoped I did not take offence. He is fond of joking, he said, but in this case only half-joking.

Bottom line

A week later, five other friends met up with me to discuss my “long-term plans”. They represented a group of 10 altogether, but the rest could not be present.

We discussed various things and, naturally, the question of my girlfriend was raised.

This group is much kinder in its choice of words. No one actually said “Drop her”. Instead, they used phrases like “Whatever you decide, we will respect your decision.”

Still, they raised questions like “Is she a liability?” and they prefaced their statements with “You may think I am heartless, but...”

Their bottom line was “You have to make certain hard decisions”. It was clear to me what these “hard decisions” were.

I understand fully where they are coming from.

Firstly, and they themselves made this clear, they were speaking from a purely unemotional, unattached, point of view.

If I were to adopt this point of view, I would agree with them completely. From a logical and practical viewpoint, a person in my circumstances cannot afford to support a girlfriend and her child from her previous marriage.

Love relationships are seen as being no different from business relationships. You ask questions like how much you invested, how much returns you got back.

Suspicions

Secondly, I know that my friends truly care and are concerned about me. They know me as a soft-hearted person who sometimes gets taken advantage of. They do not want this to happen (again).

They have not met my girlfriend and they don’t know much about her. The little that I tell them does not help, since I could not give a firm answer when I was asked how serious she was about our relationship.

It is very natural for people to be suspicious of those they do not know. In fact, long ago my mother was suspicious of one of these friends. Because he was at that time very thin, my mother asked me if he was on drugs!

Another time, a friend asked if my girlfriend was cheating me while my girlfriend asked in turn if this person - whom I had helped with some money when she was in trouble - was cheating me.

Such suspicions are natural. Once people get to know each other better, the suspicions tend to fade away.

Even though I fully appreciate my friends’ concern for me, and I well-understand their suspicions, I cannot help but feel hurt over their suggestions that I should abandon someone whom I love.

Still, that is not good enough reason for me to accuse them of leading me to “hell”.

The Devil...

The reason is this: This morning, I was reading the Brazillian writer Paulo Coelho, whose writings has had a profound impact on me and, it seems, on millions of other people around the world.

In his latest book, The Devil and Miss Prym, Coelho tells a story about Heaven and Hell.

If I may paraphrase, telling the story as I remember it, in my own words...

Once upon a time, a man was travelling with his horse and his dog. When they passed by a huge tree, lightning struck and all three were killed.

Not realising that they was dead, their souls continued the journey. They walked up a hill and they were tired and thirsty. Soon, they reached a beautiful place which had a marble gateway and fountain sprouting crystal clear water.

“Good morning” the traveller greeted the guard at the gateway.

“Good morning,” he replied.

“What place is this?”

“This is Heaven.”

“It’s beautiful. I am glad to come here. Can I have a drink?”

“Sure, help yourself.”

But when the traveller moved forward with his horse and dog, the guard stopped him, saying, “Sorry, animals are not allowed in here.”

The traveller was very mcuh disappointed. For although he was very thirsty, he did not want to drink without his companions. They decided to move on.

Confusion

Some distance further uphill, they came upon another gateway, plain looking compared to the marble one. It led to a rocky path lined with trees. A man there was resting beneath a tree, apparently a sleep.

“Good morning,” the traveller greeted him.

He nodded, not saying a word.

“Is there a place we can get a drink?” the traveller asked. “My horse, my dog and I are very thirsty.”

“There is a stream behind those rocks over there,” the man pointed.

They went ahead and refreshed themselves. They returned and thanked the man. The traveller asked, “By the way, what place is this?”

“This is Heaven,” the man replied.

The traveller was surprised. “But the guard at the marble gateway said that was Heaven.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” the man said. “That place is Hell.”

“Well, I was nearly fooled,” the traveller said. “You should not allow the people there to abuse your name. You know, wrong information can lead to a lot of confusion.”

“Actually, they are doing us a great favour,” the man at Heaven’s gate said. “Because the people who stay on in Hell have proved that they are willing to abandon their friends.”